Acceptance

Acceptance is a person's agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.

I spent a good part of this week on the internet searching different sites related to the Medical Board, BBB, etc. seeing if I could find any formal complaints, lawsuits and things of that nature involving Dr. Kim. First off, I found nothing formally filed against him. I found a few websites that are forums for people to share their experiences, etc. and I only found a handful out of the bunch that had ugly things to say about Dr. Kim. It's good to be informed about such things, right? It would be but there is another piece or so to the puzzle of me.

In my searches I found a couple of support groups that have stemmed from Dr. Kim's patients. One occurs at his office monthly, while others are organized outside at restaurants, etc. Lo and behold one of the groups was meeting this morning and I had every intention of making it and hearing what his past patients had to say.

Well, the problem is, I wasn't doing any of it with acceptance in my mind or heart. Is this self sabotage? Quite possibly because if I am being honest, I was really looking for an escape route. That's crazy right? I've spent all year jumping through hoops to get to this very moment and I am considering chickening out. I was hoping to find a problem or hear something bad that I could use an excuse to back out.

My alarm went off at 8am to get up and go to this meeting and as I was walking to the closet to get dressed I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped in my tracks. Who was that person looking back at me? It surely was not me. I have never backed down from a challenge or a fight...well, I have never really been in actual physical fight. Amazing I know as much crap as I talk at times, but my bark must be one heck of a bark because I've never had to bite! I've been a single mom, fought thyroid cancer that just did not want to leave me, etc. and never backed down or thought twice about pressing forward and making the sweetest lemonade I could from the lemons of life.

I hate for people to have pity parts or throw in the towel without trying, yet was I not looking to do the same? Yes, I WAS. So I opted not to go to the support group. I emailed the organizer and explained to her exactly where my mind and heart were and that I would definitely visit the group after the first of the year but prior to surgery was not an option.

See this morning in that mirror I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with that person staring back at me about acceptance and about trusting Dr. Kim to be the specialist he is and that all will be ok in the world. Now acceptance doesn't mean I'm not nervous still. I'm human and some anxiety is to be expected but what fool would go into such an event and not have trust for the man whose hands I am about to put my life in?

So tonight I sit in acceptance. Acceptance that Dr. Kim is more than capable of doing this surgery or he would not have taken me on as a patient. He has turned some away and refused to treat them, which is what a couple of the ugly posts were about. I accept that I am strong enough to endure and succeed. I trust that God has never in my life failed me, though I've failed Him far too many times, and He hasn't brought me this far to leave me on my own now.

On a different note, I went to Babe's in Roanoke for lunch today. I am so happy with myself that as good as it was, I did not stuff myself full of it. The chicken fried steak there is huge and as good as it was I only ate a 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for Simba. I was disappointed though that they do not have green beans. Have I ever in my life been disappointed not to have a veggie? I guess I have now.

All this extra time I have on my hands to even consider not being accepting, well today I joined a Singles group in Tarrant County via MeetUp.com. Next weekend I will join them at the Salvation Army to feed the homeless. I'm really looking forward to it. I've miss volunteering and it will be good for me to get involved with this group.

Oh and the lady from the support group emailed me back. Super nice lady, her name is Vivian. She asked me all about my surgery, date, background, etc. She offered to meet up with one on one prior to my surgery and was so kind as to offer herself should I need anything after. Today I am thankful for her kind words and support.

Until the next time....