So many times when I go through something big in my life I feel like I go through it alone because I am single. In a lot of ways this has been true and I think I've gotten so used to it I was completely ignorant to the friends around me who have always been there to support me in their way.
As I begin the liquid diet today and come the realization that this surgery is getting closer, I suppose it was just a matter of time before I started thinking that by the grace of God, I would get myself through all of what's to come too but this time will be different.
Last night I took my RX cough syrup and an Ambien and I slept for 10 hours. I awoke to text messages from a friend telling me that she ate breakfast today but she is starting the liquid diet tomorrow in support of me. Who would even think to do such a thing? A friend would, yet I find myself trying to talk her out of it.
Why? Well because I can be stupid at times but also because I think I've been on my own so long just having to make things work and work well that I guess I really do not know how to let others cheer for me or even worse get in the game and play it with me. That is a problem and that must change today.
An hour later from the beginning of the texts and FB posts and I am still in tears but my heart is so happy I don't even have words to explain it. I know I am not alone; far from it!
Thank you :)
Friday, November 25, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Acceptance
Acceptance is a person's agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.
I spent a good part of this week on the internet searching different sites related to the Medical Board, BBB, etc. seeing if I could find any formal complaints, lawsuits and things of that nature involving Dr. Kim. First off, I found nothing formally filed against him. I found a few websites that are forums for people to share their experiences, etc. and I only found a handful out of the bunch that had ugly things to say about Dr. Kim. It's good to be informed about such things, right? It would be but there is another piece or so to the puzzle of me.
In my searches I found a couple of support groups that have stemmed from Dr. Kim's patients. One occurs at his office monthly, while others are organized outside at restaurants, etc. Lo and behold one of the groups was meeting this morning and I had every intention of making it and hearing what his past patients had to say.
Well, the problem is, I wasn't doing any of it with acceptance in my mind or heart. Is this self sabotage? Quite possibly because if I am being honest, I was really looking for an escape route. That's crazy right? I've spent all year jumping through hoops to get to this very moment and I am considering chickening out. I was hoping to find a problem or hear something bad that I could use an excuse to back out.
My alarm went off at 8am to get up and go to this meeting and as I was walking to the closet to get dressed I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped in my tracks. Who was that person looking back at me? It surely was not me. I have never backed down from a challenge or a fight...well, I have never really been in actual physical fight. Amazing I know as much crap as I talk at times, but my bark must be one heck of a bark because I've never had to bite! I've been a single mom, fought thyroid cancer that just did not want to leave me, etc. and never backed down or thought twice about pressing forward and making the sweetest lemonade I could from the lemons of life.
I hate for people to have pity parts or throw in the towel without trying, yet was I not looking to do the same? Yes, I WAS. So I opted not to go to the support group. I emailed the organizer and explained to her exactly where my mind and heart were and that I would definitely visit the group after the first of the year but prior to surgery was not an option.
See this morning in that mirror I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with that person staring back at me about acceptance and about trusting Dr. Kim to be the specialist he is and that all will be ok in the world. Now acceptance doesn't mean I'm not nervous still. I'm human and some anxiety is to be expected but what fool would go into such an event and not have trust for the man whose hands I am about to put my life in?
So tonight I sit in acceptance. Acceptance that Dr. Kim is more than capable of doing this surgery or he would not have taken me on as a patient. He has turned some away and refused to treat them, which is what a couple of the ugly posts were about. I accept that I am strong enough to endure and succeed. I trust that God has never in my life failed me, though I've failed Him far too many times, and He hasn't brought me this far to leave me on my own now.
On a different note, I went to Babe's in Roanoke for lunch today. I am so happy with myself that as good as it was, I did not stuff myself full of it. The chicken fried steak there is huge and as good as it was I only ate a 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for Simba. I was disappointed though that they do not have green beans. Have I ever in my life been disappointed not to have a veggie? I guess I have now.
All this extra time I have on my hands to even consider not being accepting, well today I joined a Singles group in Tarrant County via MeetUp.com. Next weekend I will join them at the Salvation Army to feed the homeless. I'm really looking forward to it. I've miss volunteering and it will be good for me to get involved with this group.
Oh and the lady from the support group emailed me back. Super nice lady, her name is Vivian. She asked me all about my surgery, date, background, etc. She offered to meet up with one on one prior to my surgery and was so kind as to offer herself should I need anything after. Today I am thankful for her kind words and support.
Until the next time....
I spent a good part of this week on the internet searching different sites related to the Medical Board, BBB, etc. seeing if I could find any formal complaints, lawsuits and things of that nature involving Dr. Kim. First off, I found nothing formally filed against him. I found a few websites that are forums for people to share their experiences, etc. and I only found a handful out of the bunch that had ugly things to say about Dr. Kim. It's good to be informed about such things, right? It would be but there is another piece or so to the puzzle of me.
In my searches I found a couple of support groups that have stemmed from Dr. Kim's patients. One occurs at his office monthly, while others are organized outside at restaurants, etc. Lo and behold one of the groups was meeting this morning and I had every intention of making it and hearing what his past patients had to say.
Well, the problem is, I wasn't doing any of it with acceptance in my mind or heart. Is this self sabotage? Quite possibly because if I am being honest, I was really looking for an escape route. That's crazy right? I've spent all year jumping through hoops to get to this very moment and I am considering chickening out. I was hoping to find a problem or hear something bad that I could use an excuse to back out.
My alarm went off at 8am to get up and go to this meeting and as I was walking to the closet to get dressed I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped in my tracks. Who was that person looking back at me? It surely was not me. I have never backed down from a challenge or a fight...well, I have never really been in actual physical fight. Amazing I know as much crap as I talk at times, but my bark must be one heck of a bark because I've never had to bite! I've been a single mom, fought thyroid cancer that just did not want to leave me, etc. and never backed down or thought twice about pressing forward and making the sweetest lemonade I could from the lemons of life.
I hate for people to have pity parts or throw in the towel without trying, yet was I not looking to do the same? Yes, I WAS. So I opted not to go to the support group. I emailed the organizer and explained to her exactly where my mind and heart were and that I would definitely visit the group after the first of the year but prior to surgery was not an option.
See this morning in that mirror I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with that person staring back at me about acceptance and about trusting Dr. Kim to be the specialist he is and that all will be ok in the world. Now acceptance doesn't mean I'm not nervous still. I'm human and some anxiety is to be expected but what fool would go into such an event and not have trust for the man whose hands I am about to put my life in?
So tonight I sit in acceptance. Acceptance that Dr. Kim is more than capable of doing this surgery or he would not have taken me on as a patient. He has turned some away and refused to treat them, which is what a couple of the ugly posts were about. I accept that I am strong enough to endure and succeed. I trust that God has never in my life failed me, though I've failed Him far too many times, and He hasn't brought me this far to leave me on my own now.
On a different note, I went to Babe's in Roanoke for lunch today. I am so happy with myself that as good as it was, I did not stuff myself full of it. The chicken fried steak there is huge and as good as it was I only ate a 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for Simba. I was disappointed though that they do not have green beans. Have I ever in my life been disappointed not to have a veggie? I guess I have now.
All this extra time I have on my hands to even consider not being accepting, well today I joined a Singles group in Tarrant County via MeetUp.com. Next weekend I will join them at the Salvation Army to feed the homeless. I'm really looking forward to it. I've miss volunteering and it will be good for me to get involved with this group.
Oh and the lady from the support group emailed me back. Super nice lady, her name is Vivian. She asked me all about my surgery, date, background, etc. She offered to meet up with one on one prior to my surgery and was so kind as to offer herself should I need anything after. Today I am thankful for her kind words and support.
Until the next time....
Friday, November 18, 2011
Countdown to Liquids
Ahh, the countdown has begun. 6 more days of foods and then the liquids begin. I'm getting a nervous feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. I mean I thought I would be eating and everything and there would be so many things I felt I needed to have but that is not the case at all. Honestly, there is a dessert I am going to make for Sunday to take to Sarah and Jimmy's, who I have not seen in a while, and am looking forward to catching up with. I would like to have ceviche from a place off Seminary Dr in Ft. Worth. I might go to Babe's for chicken fried steak and all the yummy fixings. Lastly, I will be having fried turkey with Dawn Humphrey and her family on Thanksgiving. Beyond those few things I am ready for the protein shakes...Bring 'em on!
I know I will get back to food again at some point but I actually think I am going to find a comfort of some sorts in the liquids and the fact that a few weeks out from surgery I can incorporate some soups. This is a change to my lifestyle that will not only be good for my weight but my body in general. It will give my system a good cleaning out and a fresh start.
For the past couple of months the thought of a liquid diet freaked me out. I didn't think I could survive it. I honestly think it was a front for what really scares me and that is the possibility of complications being a revision patient. I trust that despite the possibility of bumps in the road this is a journey I will enjoy in the long run.
I'm very inspired to see stories from others posted on Dr. Kim's FB page. Granted, I have no intention what so ever to gun run a marathon like some of them but just to be active and not have to think about am I too fat to do this or that, or how will I look doing it. I hope I can be an inspiration to others as well, which is why I need to give 100+% to succeeding. I think I am going to take advantage of my EAP program at work and get some counseling after the surgery. I just think it will be helpful to deal with a few issues that are weight related. I want to lose weight and some baggage that I have been carrying.
Ugh, I cannot wait for 2012 to get here so the surgery will be behind me. I sure hope these next several weeks fly by quickly. Back to work...
I <3 you guys for your support!!
I know I will get back to food again at some point but I actually think I am going to find a comfort of some sorts in the liquids and the fact that a few weeks out from surgery I can incorporate some soups. This is a change to my lifestyle that will not only be good for my weight but my body in general. It will give my system a good cleaning out and a fresh start.
For the past couple of months the thought of a liquid diet freaked me out. I didn't think I could survive it. I honestly think it was a front for what really scares me and that is the possibility of complications being a revision patient. I trust that despite the possibility of bumps in the road this is a journey I will enjoy in the long run.
I'm very inspired to see stories from others posted on Dr. Kim's FB page. Granted, I have no intention what so ever to gun run a marathon like some of them but just to be active and not have to think about am I too fat to do this or that, or how will I look doing it. I hope I can be an inspiration to others as well, which is why I need to give 100+% to succeeding. I think I am going to take advantage of my EAP program at work and get some counseling after the surgery. I just think it will be helpful to deal with a few issues that are weight related. I want to lose weight and some baggage that I have been carrying.
Ugh, I cannot wait for 2012 to get here so the surgery will be behind me. I sure hope these next several weeks fly by quickly. Back to work...
I <3 you guys for your support!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Bariatric University
Wow, so each day I'm a little bit closer to the surgery date and in a way freaking out a bit more. I guess it has taken so long to come to pass it is hard to believe that the date will be here before I know it. So today was BU, which basically was a run down of what to do before, during and after to be successful.
This was a class so there were about 6 others in the room that are getting ready to have the procedure as well, although I think I am the only revision (meaning I am the only one converting from one procedure to another). The class starts off with taking your "before" picture for the wall. Forgive me because I am easily annoyed by others but I seriously wanted to jack a few of these women up and tell them to cut their dumb crap. "I don't like my smile." OR "My hair isn't done." Really? We are all overweight and we have all walked past that wall of pictures and I'm pretty sure people aren't checking out your roots or teeth. No, everyone is looking at the transformation between the before and after pics because it inspires us to seek the same success.
So after pictures we begin to sample the flavors and different brands of the approved shakes for the liquid diet. Ugh, I must've cheesed hard when I read I can have 1 cup of low sodium chicken broth each day, sugarfree jello, sugarfree popsicles and I can add flavored extracts to the shakes to switch it up a bit. That just made my day!
Umm, then I found out that the day of surgery, after I wake up, I cannot have anything to drink until the next day. I will have an IV in me but I cannot have anything to drink and if you've ever had surgery your mouth is extremely dry. No ice chips, no nothing. They will give me a moist sponge to wet my lips. If I have no nausea, can drink a specific amount of liquid in an allotted time, and the test they do show no leaks, I can go home after one night.
Then I found out that I am probably going to be on a liquid diet for about a month after the surgery, with the same allowances as above and I can introduce other soup as long as it is smooth but I am not sure I want to push it because the last thing I want is for the staples to open. By weeks 5-6 I can begin soft foods such as applesauce, scrambled eggs, cream of wheat and such. This ain't going to be a walk in the park. They immediately want me to begin walking for 30 minutes a day and once I'm healed that needs to be at a minimum of a mile a day.
So as I prepare to begin my liquid diet I am thinking about the things I would like to eat because it'll be a pretty good while before I even attempt to eat anything solid. As hard as I think the liquid diet will be to do, I can really see myself for doing it for much longer out of fear for opening the staples and having leaks. So what's on my list? Not sure...I know I want some good ceviche, elotes, oh and I definitely want to go to Sassy's Hot Dogs and try a WTF (wrap that frank) & fried marshmallows. For my own good, I have just discovered an infatuation and admiration for specialty food trucks. I think the Foot Truck Race is to blame!!
So until Thanksgiving....I'm not sure how much I will post between now and then.
Some questions asked yesterday on FB...I think I have already explained why I am having it. I will say for anyone who is considering a bariatric surgery, please find a surgeon that specializes in more than one surgery and take their advice on what is the best option for you. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pick a surgery and then find a surgeon to agree because 9 times out of 10, if a surgeon knows they can get insurance to approve or you will pay out of pocket you're a candidate for whatever you want. Most insurances will cover if your BMI is over 40. For some that is not enough and you must meet a preference that would deem the surgery medically necessary. That might be diabetes, or something of that sort.
For me personally, when I had the lap band the only thing I paid was $500 to the surgeon and $250 to the facility and they told me up front they would write off whatever insurance did not pay. I never heard from the surgeon after the fact and the information he gave me and TRUE results gave me were two totally different sets of rules. For this surgery, I have already met my $500 deductible for the year so the surgery itself will fall under my co-insurance so I will pay 20% but nobody wants anything up front. They both want to bill the insurance first and work it out with me later. I have already paid several hundred dollars on my account with Dr. Kim though. Today the protein shakes cost me $200 for two weeks worth and you must use this prior to the surgery. What I choose to use afterwards is at my discretion. All insurances are different so all I can say is check it out.
I personally would never encourage or discourage anyone when it comes to a bariatric surgery. I think nobody can tell if you need to pursue that avenue except you and a professional. If any of you opt to have a surgery, I will do anything I can to support you in your decision...just say the word.
<3 y'all. Good night
This was a class so there were about 6 others in the room that are getting ready to have the procedure as well, although I think I am the only revision (meaning I am the only one converting from one procedure to another). The class starts off with taking your "before" picture for the wall. Forgive me because I am easily annoyed by others but I seriously wanted to jack a few of these women up and tell them to cut their dumb crap. "I don't like my smile." OR "My hair isn't done." Really? We are all overweight and we have all walked past that wall of pictures and I'm pretty sure people aren't checking out your roots or teeth. No, everyone is looking at the transformation between the before and after pics because it inspires us to seek the same success.
So after pictures we begin to sample the flavors and different brands of the approved shakes for the liquid diet. Ugh, I must've cheesed hard when I read I can have 1 cup of low sodium chicken broth each day, sugarfree jello, sugarfree popsicles and I can add flavored extracts to the shakes to switch it up a bit. That just made my day!
Umm, then I found out that the day of surgery, after I wake up, I cannot have anything to drink until the next day. I will have an IV in me but I cannot have anything to drink and if you've ever had surgery your mouth is extremely dry. No ice chips, no nothing. They will give me a moist sponge to wet my lips. If I have no nausea, can drink a specific amount of liquid in an allotted time, and the test they do show no leaks, I can go home after one night.
Then I found out that I am probably going to be on a liquid diet for about a month after the surgery, with the same allowances as above and I can introduce other soup as long as it is smooth but I am not sure I want to push it because the last thing I want is for the staples to open. By weeks 5-6 I can begin soft foods such as applesauce, scrambled eggs, cream of wheat and such. This ain't going to be a walk in the park. They immediately want me to begin walking for 30 minutes a day and once I'm healed that needs to be at a minimum of a mile a day.
So as I prepare to begin my liquid diet I am thinking about the things I would like to eat because it'll be a pretty good while before I even attempt to eat anything solid. As hard as I think the liquid diet will be to do, I can really see myself for doing it for much longer out of fear for opening the staples and having leaks. So what's on my list? Not sure...I know I want some good ceviche, elotes, oh and I definitely want to go to Sassy's Hot Dogs and try a WTF (wrap that frank) & fried marshmallows. For my own good, I have just discovered an infatuation and admiration for specialty food trucks. I think the Foot Truck Race is to blame!!
So until Thanksgiving....I'm not sure how much I will post between now and then.
Some questions asked yesterday on FB...I think I have already explained why I am having it. I will say for anyone who is considering a bariatric surgery, please find a surgeon that specializes in more than one surgery and take their advice on what is the best option for you. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pick a surgery and then find a surgeon to agree because 9 times out of 10, if a surgeon knows they can get insurance to approve or you will pay out of pocket you're a candidate for whatever you want. Most insurances will cover if your BMI is over 40. For some that is not enough and you must meet a preference that would deem the surgery medically necessary. That might be diabetes, or something of that sort.
For me personally, when I had the lap band the only thing I paid was $500 to the surgeon and $250 to the facility and they told me up front they would write off whatever insurance did not pay. I never heard from the surgeon after the fact and the information he gave me and TRUE results gave me were two totally different sets of rules. For this surgery, I have already met my $500 deductible for the year so the surgery itself will fall under my co-insurance so I will pay 20% but nobody wants anything up front. They both want to bill the insurance first and work it out with me later. I have already paid several hundred dollars on my account with Dr. Kim though. Today the protein shakes cost me $200 for two weeks worth and you must use this prior to the surgery. What I choose to use afterwards is at my discretion. All insurances are different so all I can say is check it out.
I personally would never encourage or discourage anyone when it comes to a bariatric surgery. I think nobody can tell if you need to pursue that avenue except you and a professional. If any of you opt to have a surgery, I will do anything I can to support you in your decision...just say the word.
<3 y'all. Good night
Monday, November 14, 2011
Failure is not fatal
If you know me, you know I am a big Chicago Bears fan and have been since I was little. The title of this post is a portion of a quote by Mike Ditka which says "Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal".
As I began writing this blog, and struggled with putting things in writing, well because to post these things makes them real. It makes them things that cannot be denied or hidden. I'm on an emotional roller coaster these days excited about the future ahead of me but struggling with the failures in my past. Just writing this blog confirms those failures to some degree. But the saving grace here is that failure isn't fatal.
Yes, I have failed thus far in the battle of the bulge but thankfully God has seen fit to wake me up each day and have another chance at success. I can pick up the pieces and start all over again. As corny as it may sound, I am so relieved to know this to be true. Failure can be overwhelming but it doesn't have to be fatal unless I allow it to. I am still in control of this ride!
As much as I love Ditka, my goal is to prove the first part of his quote wrong. I do believe I can have permanaent success over the bulge. It will require a lot of work on my end. I hate to exercise and I have got to change that mind set and learn to love it. I have to get back to portion control and making smarter choices.
I cannot lie, I'm nervous about having this surgery. To move forward into success we must deal with a very apparent failure. The lap band must be removed, then all of the scarred tissue removed before Dr. Kim can proceed with the actual bariatric surgery. He expects it to be about a 4 hour surgery. Complications are definitely a possibility but I refuse to claim them!! Without any complications, I will be in the hospital overnight and off work for about three weeks. As nervous as I am, I am so looking forward to the three week vacation...I'm terrible, I know!
Tomorrow is Bariatric University at Dr. Kim's office. Until then....
As I began writing this blog, and struggled with putting things in writing, well because to post these things makes them real. It makes them things that cannot be denied or hidden. I'm on an emotional roller coaster these days excited about the future ahead of me but struggling with the failures in my past. Just writing this blog confirms those failures to some degree. But the saving grace here is that failure isn't fatal.
Yes, I have failed thus far in the battle of the bulge but thankfully God has seen fit to wake me up each day and have another chance at success. I can pick up the pieces and start all over again. As corny as it may sound, I am so relieved to know this to be true. Failure can be overwhelming but it doesn't have to be fatal unless I allow it to. I am still in control of this ride!
As much as I love Ditka, my goal is to prove the first part of his quote wrong. I do believe I can have permanaent success over the bulge. It will require a lot of work on my end. I hate to exercise and I have got to change that mind set and learn to love it. I have to get back to portion control and making smarter choices.
I cannot lie, I'm nervous about having this surgery. To move forward into success we must deal with a very apparent failure. The lap band must be removed, then all of the scarred tissue removed before Dr. Kim can proceed with the actual bariatric surgery. He expects it to be about a 4 hour surgery. Complications are definitely a possibility but I refuse to claim them!! Without any complications, I will be in the hospital overnight and off work for about three weeks. As nervous as I am, I am so looking forward to the three week vacation...I'm terrible, I know!
Tomorrow is Bariatric University at Dr. Kim's office. Until then....
What happens in the blog stays in the blog
I suppose this goes without saying but I am sharing some pretty personal information in these posts and while I do not mind sharing it with anyone who is interested, I really do not want some of it discussed outside outside of this forum...things such as my weight. Unless you're in or have been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it was to utter those numbers much less put them to paper for others to see.
Once again I thank you all for your support. While I may not be as close to some of you as I am to others your support and encouragement have truly touched my heart. For a minute, I thought as a single chic I was going to go through this alone but God had shown me that I am never alone. I am highly blessed! Thank you for being a part of that blessing!
Once again I thank you all for your support. While I may not be as close to some of you as I am to others your support and encouragement have truly touched my heart. For a minute, I thought as a single chic I was going to go through this alone but God had shown me that I am never alone. I am highly blessed! Thank you for being a part of that blessing!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
A Little About Q
My name is Sharon Quinones, AKA Q. I am 40 years old and am overweight. Correction, according to the medical world I am morbidly obese. Morbid - like deathly obese. As if being fat wasn't enough, I am deathly obese. Hmm, now I get that I am too fat for my own good but morbid seems like such a stretch because at my fattest, I have never had diabetes, high blood pressure, bad cholesterol, etc.
In 2004, my dentist located a goiter in my neck. I went in for a routine teeth cleaning and she said she felt a lump in my throat that I should get checked out. I left her office and went straight to my PCP's office. He laughed it off that she could not possibly know what she was talking about. I had really good insurance so I asked him to humor me and send me for a sonogram or something to prove or disprove what in fact it was. The goiter was quite large and the surgeon suggested that it was so big because it was overcompensating for my thyroid not working properly. What bothered me is suddenly there is this rush to get me into surgery to remove it but nobody is concerned about my thyroid. I put the brakes on the surgery and immediately found an Endocrinologist. Oh the needle biopsy I had gave a false negative and for a year I walked around with cancer growing my body.
My Endocrinologist, Dr. Robert Feferman, was God sent! Finally someone listened to my reasoning and actually was concerned with dealing with the initial problem of my thyroid not working properly. I was diagnosed not only with hypothyroidism but also PCOS. Once we got my thyroid meds under control I finally decided in 2005 to have the goiter removed, after which I discovered that it was in fact papillary carcinoma.
I had seen others having gastric bypass and lap band and remember thinking to myself what a loser to have to have surgery to lose weight. I shook my head even more at the ones who would gain weight just to get approved for a surgery to lose weight. I thought I would never be that desperate. Never say never right?
Ugh, this is the part I hate about trying to write. My thoughts are all over the place...I suppose I need to rewind a bit...For years I weighed 169 and was a size 16 in some things and a 18 in others. Bigger than what I wanted to be but I carried it well. Then it was like one day I was sitting on the bed in shorts and looked over in the mirror and was thoroughly grossed out by how big my thighs looked in the mirror. I go to weigh and jeesh, I had gained a 100 lbs. What the hell had happened? I was in size 22s.
I know I'm a good person with a good heart and all but suddenly the only thing I could see when I looked at me was fat and a lot of it. Within a few months I was about the same weight but pushing a size 22/24. Oh but then those were tight and lo and behold I was almost 300 lbs. I decided I had watched several people have success over the past year with lap band and suddenly I was just desperate enough to have it.
At the end of 2006 I began jumping through hoops with Cigna to get approved. On July 2, 2007, I had my surgery. It was like I could hear the birds chirping and the angels singing. I would lose a bunch of weight and be so hot and oh yeah, I was going to end my friendship with that bitch Lane Bryant because I was not going to be a fat chic anymore. Oh, the morning of my surgery I weighed in at 316.6 lbs. Where the hell was I hiding all of that. The number alone would make you think Oprah would need to come knock out a wall and have me lifted my crane on a flat bed truck to rush me to the hospital, right?
Don't get me wrong, lap band can be successful for some but it has not been the life changing experience I thought it would be. I cannot credit any weight loss I had over the past 4.5 years to it. As a matter of fact I have had nothing but problems with it. It has slipped no less that 6 times every time it reaches the point of being half full. I have thrown up more with the lap band that I have my entire life; oh and the sliming...seriously gross! I do have to say that at one point I did manag to get down to 233 lbs and into a size 14/16 and honey you couldn't tell me I wasn't fine and on the road to becoming even finer. I did this by watching my portions and not eating after 6pm and I joined a TOPS group. Several months later the band would slip again and TRUE Results did not seem concerned with giving me an EGD or sending me to a specialist to find out why this keeps happening so I set off on my own.
Every where I turned, be it to coworkers, my gynecologist, a bill board, the news, one name kept surfacing....Dr. David Kim of Colleyville. I met with him in October of 2010 and decided I was on the way to battling Aetna to get approved to at the very least, have the lap band removed but possibly have a revision done to the gastric sleeve.
Tonight as I type this post, I weigh in at 290 lbs. I've been approved to have the revision done and so begins my journey. I entitled this blog "Once upon a time there was a fat chic named Q" for two reasons:
This is a big step for me. I don't tell anyone what I weigh and now I'm telling the world...well whoever happens upon this blog. This is the Diary of a Fat Chic....
In 2004, my dentist located a goiter in my neck. I went in for a routine teeth cleaning and she said she felt a lump in my throat that I should get checked out. I left her office and went straight to my PCP's office. He laughed it off that she could not possibly know what she was talking about. I had really good insurance so I asked him to humor me and send me for a sonogram or something to prove or disprove what in fact it was. The goiter was quite large and the surgeon suggested that it was so big because it was overcompensating for my thyroid not working properly. What bothered me is suddenly there is this rush to get me into surgery to remove it but nobody is concerned about my thyroid. I put the brakes on the surgery and immediately found an Endocrinologist. Oh the needle biopsy I had gave a false negative and for a year I walked around with cancer growing my body.
My Endocrinologist, Dr. Robert Feferman, was God sent! Finally someone listened to my reasoning and actually was concerned with dealing with the initial problem of my thyroid not working properly. I was diagnosed not only with hypothyroidism but also PCOS. Once we got my thyroid meds under control I finally decided in 2005 to have the goiter removed, after which I discovered that it was in fact papillary carcinoma.
I had seen others having gastric bypass and lap band and remember thinking to myself what a loser to have to have surgery to lose weight. I shook my head even more at the ones who would gain weight just to get approved for a surgery to lose weight. I thought I would never be that desperate. Never say never right?
Ugh, this is the part I hate about trying to write. My thoughts are all over the place...I suppose I need to rewind a bit...For years I weighed 169 and was a size 16 in some things and a 18 in others. Bigger than what I wanted to be but I carried it well. Then it was like one day I was sitting on the bed in shorts and looked over in the mirror and was thoroughly grossed out by how big my thighs looked in the mirror. I go to weigh and jeesh, I had gained a 100 lbs. What the hell had happened? I was in size 22s.
I know I'm a good person with a good heart and all but suddenly the only thing I could see when I looked at me was fat and a lot of it. Within a few months I was about the same weight but pushing a size 22/24. Oh but then those were tight and lo and behold I was almost 300 lbs. I decided I had watched several people have success over the past year with lap band and suddenly I was just desperate enough to have it.
At the end of 2006 I began jumping through hoops with Cigna to get approved. On July 2, 2007, I had my surgery. It was like I could hear the birds chirping and the angels singing. I would lose a bunch of weight and be so hot and oh yeah, I was going to end my friendship with that bitch Lane Bryant because I was not going to be a fat chic anymore. Oh, the morning of my surgery I weighed in at 316.6 lbs. Where the hell was I hiding all of that. The number alone would make you think Oprah would need to come knock out a wall and have me lifted my crane on a flat bed truck to rush me to the hospital, right?
Don't get me wrong, lap band can be successful for some but it has not been the life changing experience I thought it would be. I cannot credit any weight loss I had over the past 4.5 years to it. As a matter of fact I have had nothing but problems with it. It has slipped no less that 6 times every time it reaches the point of being half full. I have thrown up more with the lap band that I have my entire life; oh and the sliming...seriously gross! I do have to say that at one point I did manag to get down to 233 lbs and into a size 14/16 and honey you couldn't tell me I wasn't fine and on the road to becoming even finer. I did this by watching my portions and not eating after 6pm and I joined a TOPS group. Several months later the band would slip again and TRUE Results did not seem concerned with giving me an EGD or sending me to a specialist to find out why this keeps happening so I set off on my own.
Every where I turned, be it to coworkers, my gynecologist, a bill board, the news, one name kept surfacing....Dr. David Kim of Colleyville. I met with him in October of 2010 and decided I was on the way to battling Aetna to get approved to at the very least, have the lap band removed but possibly have a revision done to the gastric sleeve.
Tonight as I type this post, I weigh in at 290 lbs. I've been approved to have the revision done and so begins my journey. I entitled this blog "Once upon a time there was a fat chic named Q" for two reasons:
- I hope this is the beginning to a new life for me. A life that is healthier and skinnier.
- No matter how good of a person I know myself to be, once again fat is all I see. Right now, fat defines me. I know it should not be that way but it is what it is.
This is a big step for me. I don't tell anyone what I weigh and now I'm telling the world...well whoever happens upon this blog. This is the Diary of a Fat Chic....
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