Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A New Year; A Healthier Q

Ugh, 2012, definitely went out with a bang! I truly hope the hospital stays, surgeries, etc. are a thing of my past for the time being. I do not think I could deal with it this year but that's ok because it is not going to be an issue.

I don't want to scare anyone who is reading this that will have surgery coming up. This past hospital stay was more Dr. Kim exercising over caution as opposed to blowing off the possibility of a potential problem. Turns out that most likely the largest incision still had not completely healed even 3 weeks out and my opting to bathe and submerge the incision in water is what brought about the fevers. Maybe it was trying to become infected and the fevers were my bodies best effort to fight it. At then end of the day with a lot of tests, etc. my new stomach was fine.

I have no idea what I weigh in at tonight but I'm guessing when I go to the Dr. on Friday I imagine I will weigh in right at or a little over 30 pounds down from my initial weight the day I began this journey a little over a month ago.

Despite the experiences of the past, I remain very positive and optimistic that I am going to win the battle of the bulge. My ultimate goal is to lose a total of 100 pounds. My initial weight was 296.2. Now that I am feeling a little more normal, it is time to turn on the Wii and get with the Zumba Fitness game.

Until the next time....

Monday, December 19, 2011

Better safe than sorry

Saturday night my largest incision opened and had a fluid dripping from it. Dr. Kim's PA, David, asked me to describe it when I called the emergency number Sunday morning. We decided it wasn't infected and I would go in today to get it checked out. We were right; it was not infected. Just a small part of the incision opened and it was bodily water leaking from it. He patched it up and I was on my way. Well not before taking an opportunity to jump on the scale and weigh in.

275.4 and that is .2 away from 21 pounds. I am so happy with that, especially since it has only been about 24 days.

I had a lot of errands to run that had me in and out today so I wasn't around to make protein shakes or soups. I stopped at Rosa's and bought a 4 oz side of pintos and cheese. It took me an hour to eat just half of that. I just ate the other half for dinner. How crazy is that? 4 oz of food and I am completely satisfied. The positive is there is good protein in it. I really should not have eaten that at this stage but it was better than not eating all day. Truth be told for the past week I have been eating two bites of tuna a day as well just because it seems to crazy to think I am getting by on liquids alone. I will try to make half of a protein shake in a bit but truthfully I think I will be forcing it down later.

I am very happy tonight. :)

I should mention for those who read this that have not reached this stage yet that when my incision opened I googled it and it is a very common occurrence. Most people had an infection though and had to take antibiotics.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Post-op

Today was my post-op appointment. I was really looking forward to it because the staples were irritating my skin. I also had lots of follow up questions.

I suppose first I should discuss weight. When I began the liquid diet I weighed 296.2. Today I weighed 277.2. That is really only 2 pounds difference since the day of surgery. I was told not to be concerned because there is still a lot of swelling inside and there will be for a few more weeks, especially with me being a revision patient. I was also told my home scale had to go MIA (missing in action) for a while. I have asked Keenan to put it in his trunk. I am not to weigh again until I go for my next appointment on January 18th. I'm not thrilled with the thought but it is the least of my concerns right now.

So my first questions were about the things my brother mentioned Dr. Kim said. Ok, so after a week of googling a topic I could not find and a friend who is a nurse (Cheri) had never heard of, turns out maybe my brother wasn't really listening when Dr. Kim was speaking to him. Imagine that! Yes, I did have a hiatal hernia which was repaired but they felt they caught it early on and it was minimal and quite routine. As for the stomach folding....well when you have lap-band for them to create the pouch they fold that portion of your stomach up over the band and secure it into place. Apparently mine took a little extra time to unfold and get to the band but it is all good.

I did a barium swallow today. Not the nasty stuff I did in the hospital, but the stuff I used to do for the lap-band. It is amazing to see it go down on the x-ray and see just how little of a stomach I have on the inside. I mean seeing it to scale because you really could not imagine. It does not look like a sleeve to me. I suppose thinking of it in that terminology made me think it was wider than it is. I have to say I wasn't much of a drinker before and after seeing how little of stomach remains, I cannot imagine drinking alcohol again without one drink have me a hundred sheets in the wind or however that saying goes. I'm ok with that. At the point I can partake in foods again I refuse to drink calories.

After talking with the PA today we decided it was best for me to continue with water intake, protein shakes, cream based soups that have the Heart Smart seal of approval (strained), surgarfree jello and popsicles. I have two more weeks of that and then I can get into pureed/blended foods. In those two weeks I need to invest in a new blender that can really handle blending down real foods. Ugh, I so crave meat even though the thought of eating it blended is not that appealing.

In the next four weeks I am to increase my exercising. I have been getting out for 30 minutes a day and walking in a store but I need to increase the activity side of it. I am just going to start turning on the Wii and doing maybe 10 minutes 3 times a day of the Zumba Fitness game.

So all is well in Q's world. I'm not sure if I will post again between now and the next appointment since I cannot weigh. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and everything else.

I'm laughing because last year Dawn Humphrey started an anti-Valentine's Day dinner. We met at the Golden Corral in Burleson. Horrible food. Funny thing is, by VD this year I will be able to try solid foods so I am actually looking forward to eating at GC. Oh my, did I really just say that??

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Surgery and the first few days after

Well I survived the surgery. Heck, I actually went through with it. There were many times while I was waiting in pre-op that I contemplated leaving or telling Dr. Kim to only remove the band and stop there. Thankfully my brains kicked in to battle my fear and anxiety and I went through with it.

This is definitely routine clock work for Dr. Kim. He had 8 surgeries scheduled that day; 5 lap-bands and 3 revisions. I was number 7 on his schedule for the day and he was right on time. The surgery itself only took 2 hours which surprised me. I guess for a non-revision it would take less. Apparently I had a hernia that needed to be repaired. Part of my stomach was going up into my esophagus or something. I do not know. He told this to my brother that came with me. He also told him something about my stomach having folded. I have no idea what that means except that I will have lots of questions at my post op appt on Friday.

So the day of surgery I am supposed to start walking that night. Like a couple of hours after I get out of recovery and into my room. I told them that I do not respond well to anesthesia and it makes me very nauseous. Despite their different medicated cocktails I would prove this to them. There was no way I could even stand up that night without feeling flustered and overcome with a hot flash and had to lay back down. I was gaggy and spitting up this frothy spit. On Friday I was supposed to get up and go to xray to do the swallow but I told them it just wasn't going to happen. I mean I had not even been up walking. Was it feasible to think I could go do this swallow and work on going home? No, I had to get the nausea under control. Friday I got up and made some laps of the nurses station which was progress for me. The gagginess and spitting up had not stopped yet. As a matter of fact all that did not stop until later Saturday. I did the swallow Saturday morning and was given the blessing to start drinking water. The odd thing was I only have a small portion of the stomach I had before. How would I know when it was full? How do I know when it is hungry? I guess because of the swelling, etc. I could not even feel the water going down. I opted a Saturday release was not an option for me. I told them I wanted to stay another night. David, Dr. Kim's PA came up to visit. He ordered some other meds and then gave me some positive conversation and told me get a good nights rest and be ready to drink up in the morning.

The little cup that comes on top of a medicine bottle - that's what I am drinking out of. It is 1cc and I need to sip one every 15 minutes. I am taking the chewable gas-x but it is because I am belching like crazy. I sure hope that stops before I go back to work but I have time since I am off until the New Year.

When I began the liquid diet I weighed 296.2. When they weighed me in at the hospital I weighed 279.4. I did weigh before I left today and I was back up to 283.4 but they said don't concern myself with it because I had so many days of IV fluids and there was still swelling and bloating.

Today, tomorrow and Tuesday I am on a really restricted diet of only clear fluids and I need to be sure I am taking in enough so I do not get dehydrated. On Wednesday Phase 2 begins and I will blog more then...

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Wow, it's about that time

Hard to believe surgery is tomorrow. I'm anxious in an excited way but also in a nervous one. While I have expressed I have felt the need to bite my tongue because I am so tired of people telling me fear is not of God. Really? If fear isn't of God then explain to me how one can say they are God fearing? Ugh, this is not the venue for the argument and I just do not have the fight in me.

Liquid diet began the day after Thanksgiving. That morning I weighed 296.2. Tonight I weight 283.4. Looks like I will not pass my 14 marker as I should be back down to that when I weigh in the morning. This makes me sad in a way because I've really only had liquids for 12 days now and I expected to lose more but in all honesty not one day have I drank all 4 shakes and more protein probably would've resulted in more pounds lost. This was hard and I will admit in this venue that I did cheat a few times. I had a spoon of peanut butter, a can of tomato soup, and I ate the skin off a piece of fried chicken. Well not the entire skin, I got a little sick from the first few bites of it.

I'm ready to put this behind me. God, I pray it's Your will there are no complications! I cannot say how many times over the past 12 days that I have thought about chickening out. That amount has doubled in the past 48 hours. As of now, I think I am going through with it. I truly hope I do not regret this decision because once it's done there is no looking back. With that said I have to say there is no way Dr. Kim would have the certifications, recognition, etc. if he wasn't qualified and I have to trust he is capable.

I feel like I should be saying so much, yet I'm just not feeling it. I need to go fix my bag and clean my room a bit. Say a prayer for both Dr. Kim and me tomorrow. Surgery is scheduled for 11:45am if he is not running behind on other surgeries. The surgery could take anywhere from 2-5 hours. One of my brother's is taking me to the hospital. I've forbidden Keenan to take off work but told him to come afterwards. I will try to post on FB and send a mass text later tomorrow. They are not going to let me sleep, I have to get up and do a lot of walking to even have half a chance of going home Friday. Sometime Friday I will have a x-ray and a swallow to ensure there are no leaks in my new, smaller stomach.

I know I can do this. Heck, Dr. Kim is doing all the work. Thanks again for your support!! I'll blog again over the weekend or first of the week.

Luv ya--Q

Friday, November 25, 2011

I'm not alone...

So many times when I go through something big in my life I feel like I go through it alone because I am single. In a lot of ways this has been true and I think I've gotten so used to it I was completely ignorant to the friends around me who have always been there to support me in their way.

As I begin the liquid diet today and come the realization that this surgery is getting closer, I suppose it was just a matter of time before I started thinking that by the grace of God, I would get myself through all of what's to come too but this time will be different.

Last night I took my RX cough syrup and an Ambien and I slept for 10 hours. I awoke to text messages from a friend telling me that she ate breakfast today but she is starting the liquid diet tomorrow in support of me. Who would even think to do such a thing? A friend would, yet I find myself trying to talk her out of it.

Why? Well because I can be stupid at times but also because I think I've been on my own so long just having to make things work and work well that I guess I really do not know how to let others cheer for me or even worse get in the game and play it with me. That is a problem and that must change today.

An hour later from the beginning of the texts and FB posts and I am still in tears but my heart is so happy I don't even have words to explain it. I know I am not alone; far from it!

Thank you :)

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Acceptance

Acceptance is a person's agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.

I spent a good part of this week on the internet searching different sites related to the Medical Board, BBB, etc. seeing if I could find any formal complaints, lawsuits and things of that nature involving Dr. Kim. First off, I found nothing formally filed against him. I found a few websites that are forums for people to share their experiences, etc. and I only found a handful out of the bunch that had ugly things to say about Dr. Kim. It's good to be informed about such things, right? It would be but there is another piece or so to the puzzle of me.

In my searches I found a couple of support groups that have stemmed from Dr. Kim's patients. One occurs at his office monthly, while others are organized outside at restaurants, etc. Lo and behold one of the groups was meeting this morning and I had every intention of making it and hearing what his past patients had to say.

Well, the problem is, I wasn't doing any of it with acceptance in my mind or heart. Is this self sabotage? Quite possibly because if I am being honest, I was really looking for an escape route. That's crazy right? I've spent all year jumping through hoops to get to this very moment and I am considering chickening out. I was hoping to find a problem or hear something bad that I could use an excuse to back out.

My alarm went off at 8am to get up and go to this meeting and as I was walking to the closet to get dressed I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped in my tracks. Who was that person looking back at me? It surely was not me. I have never backed down from a challenge or a fight...well, I have never really been in actual physical fight. Amazing I know as much crap as I talk at times, but my bark must be one heck of a bark because I've never had to bite! I've been a single mom, fought thyroid cancer that just did not want to leave me, etc. and never backed down or thought twice about pressing forward and making the sweetest lemonade I could from the lemons of life.

I hate for people to have pity parts or throw in the towel without trying, yet was I not looking to do the same? Yes, I WAS. So I opted not to go to the support group. I emailed the organizer and explained to her exactly where my mind and heart were and that I would definitely visit the group after the first of the year but prior to surgery was not an option.

See this morning in that mirror I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with that person staring back at me about acceptance and about trusting Dr. Kim to be the specialist he is and that all will be ok in the world. Now acceptance doesn't mean I'm not nervous still. I'm human and some anxiety is to be expected but what fool would go into such an event and not have trust for the man whose hands I am about to put my life in?

So tonight I sit in acceptance. Acceptance that Dr. Kim is more than capable of doing this surgery or he would not have taken me on as a patient. He has turned some away and refused to treat them, which is what a couple of the ugly posts were about. I accept that I am strong enough to endure and succeed. I trust that God has never in my life failed me, though I've failed Him far too many times, and He hasn't brought me this far to leave me on my own now.

On a different note, I went to Babe's in Roanoke for lunch today. I am so happy with myself that as good as it was, I did not stuff myself full of it. The chicken fried steak there is huge and as good as it was I only ate a 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for Simba. I was disappointed though that they do not have green beans. Have I ever in my life been disappointed not to have a veggie? I guess I have now.

All this extra time I have on my hands to even consider not being accepting, well today I joined a Singles group in Tarrant County via MeetUp.com. Next weekend I will join them at the Salvation Army to feed the homeless. I'm really looking forward to it. I've miss volunteering and it will be good for me to get involved with this group.

Oh and the lady from the support group emailed me back. Super nice lady, her name is Vivian. She asked me all about my surgery, date, background, etc. She offered to meet up with one on one prior to my surgery and was so kind as to offer herself should I need anything after. Today I am thankful for her kind words and support.

Until the next time....